I love you

 A little story, I promise it's worth the read.

We went rollerskating last night. Most weeks... lol I'm too old or uncool to skate next to, she afterall is a young adult now. I get it. I do. She's at that age she wants to go off on her own. Much to my surprise she held my hand the whole night.

At one point I got off the floor, encouraged her to skate on her own like she normally does.

I stood there watching her. She hesitated, looked back and slowly went off by ...herself. Just as she was about to go around the corner .... she turns around and starts skating back the opposite direction, not looking anywhere but straight ahead. The other skaters didn't phase her, not even when a couple of them nearly skated into her, she just brushed them off and around her. She remained focused never once taking her eyes off me .... reaching the place where I was standing waiting and watching in amazement, she took my hand, pulled me out onto the floor to skate with her. and didn't let go of it the rest of the night.


It was the loudest, most profound I love you ...
I have ever heard.

I know there are a lot of parents who would give anything to hear their child verbally say "I love you". I risk alienating many of you by saying I don't need to hear the words come from her mouth. Everytime she reaches for my hand, or rests hers on my shoulder I know. More often than not, I think words are over rated. Hannah lives in "action" and her actions speak loudly.

How many times in our lives have we said actions speak louder than words?
I have. In fact I say it a lot. I can only hope my actions speak as well as Hannah's do.












One Love. One Peace. Always and all ways.  

Perception ...

.

“If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is - infinite."

~William Blake

The world is so much bigger than we realize.
I often wonder how Hannah processes what she sees.
I shake my head when people desribe autism as "limiting".

I have always suspected "we" are the limited ones

One love. One Peace. Always and all ways. 

Each time ...

... we face our fear,
we gain strength, courage,
and confidence in the doing.
~Theodore Roosevelt

That is the very essence of what we do each time we try something new.  

Each time her confidence grows.
Each time she reminds me to grow.

She holds the world in her hands ... I feel it every time she holds mine.

One love. One peace. Always and all ways.

I held ...

... her hand going down the rocky hill.
I let go so she could climb to the top by herself.
She was hesitant.
I encouraged her to go.
She looked up and started to climb ...
one step at a time.
She did it. 

So can you.

 

One Love. One Peace. Always and all ways. 

I want ...

to be in her head

   for just an hour ...

I'll bet we've all said that.

One Love. One Peace. Always and all ways.

Here's your sign ....

       

This ... is a real sign. I'm not sure when they put it up. 

I haven't driven down this road in a few months. 

Much to my surprise there it was. 

Very cool Grand Rapids!         

One Love. One Peace. Always and all ways.

Fenced in ...

     

Years ago I took this photograph of Hannah.

I still hope for the day the fence that keeps her locked in comes down.

Her fence isn't her choice.

How many ways do we keep ourselves fenced in, 

I wonder ...

       





One Love. One Peace. Always and all ways.

She can ...

       

I hold to this.  Firmly.

 

With a little help and insistence we got her on that pony. It has been years since she's been on a horse.  She loves them, but somewhere along the way she became afraid to ride them. No. Nothing happened to frighten her. Not that I am aware of. Not in my care. The hardest part was keeping her from running away before we ever even got close to the pony. I'd taken her the night before just to watch. This time we were going to "do" before she had too much time to think about it. Isn't that so true for most of us, we think too much, talk ourselves out of taking those first steps towards something, a fear perhaps we should face? Our friend asked if I wanted him to walk along side her as she rode, I said no. We show her what to hold on to and once the pony starts moving and we see she's alright we step back. We did. And she was. Now I wish I'd have gotten the shot of her smiling while riding. We both were. She was proud. She knew what she'd just accomplished. I was proud. I knew it too. It happens that way for Hannah.  Whether it's a horse, or a room, or a door, she's fine riding or going through,and then suddenly she won't.  It takes time, encouragement, patience and perseverance, holding fast to the expectation that she can.  Sometimes it requires a little creativity, but we get there, one way or another we get there. And usually in her own time.  : ) As always, she gives me pause for thought ... Where am I not stepping forward in my life, what fears am I not facing?     

One Love. One Peace. Always and all ways.

A Father and his Daughter

   

Sometimes words are not needed ... this would be one of those times.

         












One Love. One Peace. Always and all ways.

Roll with it ...

   

Hannah reminds me to do just that ... every single day.

She's the best teacher I've got.

One Love. One Peace. Always and all ways. 

         

The Girl With The White Balloon

you remember the movie ...         The Red Balloon . 

Remember the story? You do? Good. Then you'll understand this photograph.

 

"The Boy and the Red Balloon" is a first in a series of children's books inspired by my son, Kian. He, as with any child, is the epitome of unconditional love . With love, one will overcome any hurdle. It is the story of a journey the Balloon takes to understand as it interacts with interesting characters along the way. Yet, it has many layers that deal with emotions, simple understanding of surroundings, dealing with defeats and triumphs but never giving up. The message is quite simple: BELIEVE.

~Albert Lamorisse

                I get asked from time to time about my approach with Hannah. 

As in what is it...it's simple. I have always believed that she "can". 

We do things she couldn't or wouldn't do because I hold to that belief. 

I expect that she can. 

Because I know she can.

One Love. One Peace. Always and all ways. 

Not often ...

  ... do I get to spend time with Hannah and her father Roger in my boat.

The light was incredible.

 It's that kind of light, she shines on all of us.

"To the ignorant, sharing your life with an affected child is a hardship to be pitied. 

Oh there are challenges, to be sure(levels and degrees of affliction involve great pain) 

and trade-offs in a life of choices but I have never met a family that didn’t consider it a blessing, 

the child a teacher. The happiness of the child is perfect almost like they see things we have lost.

They are the opportunity to become a better human being, not a small thing."

~Tom Moran

One love. One Peace. Always and all ways.

Someone once told me

... when you don't know where to begin, start in the middle.
The past is back there,
the present is now,
and the future is yet to come.

I think that makes this the beginning.

  

It never ceases to amaze me, the things Hannah reacts to. 
Her legs go straight, her eyes get bigger than the sun when she's happy, and something moves her.
As it sets, we go through our phrases, her first one ... buh bye moon.
You and I would say hello moon.

Perhaps it's all the same, the sun setting and the moon rising.  










  One love. One Peace. Always and all ways.